What I've learned...

I think I just learned a little bit more about myself...
at least in the realm of relationships.

Been thinking lately about the differences between my last relationships and how they have effected who I am today. Of course, the ups and downs have made me a stronger person today.

But what exactly is it that I look for in a relationship? I've been pondering it over and my preferences as well as standards have changed --- perhaps for the better.

Ultimately, it's about whether or not I can be happy with another person. Being able to clearly communicate and be sincerely interested in what each other has to say is important. The mutual feelings of being cared for and loved cannot be compared to any other feeling.

I don't think I've ever had this type of understanding in my past relationships, and I really hope to someday find this. Perhaps I am thinking too far into the future, but I have always been this way. I'm constantly thinking about a family; if he will be a good father, provider, soul mate. And I know how this can be stressful for guys to hear, but it's the truth. I look for marriage material. Not until now have I fully understood why my parents were always pushing for me to continue my education.

My dad told me something that I found amusing, but I will probably do the same with my kids in the future. The reason he wants me to stay in school is so that I can meet someone who is on the same level --- someone educated and has a bright future ahead of him. But looking back at it now, it's not necessary to stay in school in order to meet these type of people. It all depends on how much you like to socialize and interact with your community. Taking advantage of these opportunities would be a great way to meet new people who share similar interests.

I've always thought that there weren't opportunities to meet a soul mate, just because the world is so large and there's no way you could meet everyone. There are people all over waiting just like myself. But if everyone just sits around and waits, nothing will change. *nods*

It's all about keeping an open mind now. Looking ahead towards the future, but not losing site of what's in front of you at the same time.

I had a conversation with my mom a few weeks ago about what to look for in an ideal significant other. I started listing my preferences about family ethics, personality, values & morals, health, hygiene, etc. Then moved on with appearances. My mom listened intently, but I knew there were things on her mind. When I finished, she began to give me a lecture on how I just need to find a good person. Because there aren't a lot of good people in this world. Everything else about a person, you can change, but not what's inside their heart. But wouldn't a good person change for you if they were that good and loved you that much? This is a topic that will go on and on, and I don't think I'll ever learn everything there is to learn about this four lettered word... But being involved in this process and growing with it makes it all the more mysterious and amazing at the same time. It really is more of a phenomenon than anything else.

After having been through some difficult times with relationships and guys in general, I have been cautious about my feelings towards members of the opposite sex. I don't take my feelings too lightly, although at times I don't even think I take life too seriously.

I talked about how I didn't want to change a person, and that if they really cared for me and wanted me to be happy, they would change on their own. I sometimes feel like I'm contradicting myself because I really want to find someone who I can trust, who I like for who they are. So changes shouldn't be necessary right? I don't even know if such a person exists, but perhaps that's why the "search" is so difficult. It's a long process, and could possibly take an entire lifetime.

I always wondered how my mom did it herself. She's only been in two relationships, the 2nd which she ended up marrying and is my father. She tied the knot when she was only 23. How, at such a young age, can you understand the "real" meaning of love and all it has to offer? Especially having only been in two relationships. My mom doesn't like to talk about it; I've only really heard the story once. It was a sad story about how she was supposed to flee the country with him. He ended up leaving her behind, I'm not sure of the reason. But she was broken-hearted. I don't know if she still thinks of him, but the last she told me of him, he had a family and kids. Life moves on.

Which brings me to the relationship time line. I think everyone goes through the same certain stages in their lives. The people we meet in our lives, change with us as we grow older. Everyone has that one grade school crush who they never told because they were too shy. And then for us girls, we are attracted to the rebellious type during our middle school years. High school is all about popularity and liking someone who everyone else likes. You're trying to fit in.

I'm probably in some sort of a stage right now myself. I just won't know it until it has gone by; all the tears, laughter, ups and downs that come along with it. But that's life. Whatever happens, in the end you just pick yourself back up and press on. What else can you do? There's no point in feeling sorry for yourself, because if you know you're worth it, then there's always something waiting patiently for you to discover and come across. At least these are my hopes. I'll be patient too, and just smile. When I find you, I'll know it... right?